Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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