What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
