Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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