I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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