Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
