I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
