He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
