positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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