I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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