I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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