Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
