Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
