Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
