so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
