After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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