That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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