This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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