Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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