Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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