He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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