I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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