Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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