So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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