This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
