i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
