It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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