I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
