Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
