apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
