i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
