My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
