he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're like the curious george of whores
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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