Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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  (586): On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes (586): I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition http://tfl.nu/j099
  Replies (7) Good night (1442) Bad night (474)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  amen to that sister

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  (602): if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy (1-602): amen to that sister http://tfl.nu/k1jo
  Replies (21) Good night (3474) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

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  (615): my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap. http://tfl.nu/2c94
  Replies (27) Good night (4187) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.

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  (616): You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races. http://tfl.nu/trt2
  Replies (6) Good night (2782) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

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  (601): I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha. http://tfl.nu/8fn5
  Replies (7) Good night (2119) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (1932) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

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  (832): You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on http://tfl.nu/zwxm
  Replies (4) Good night (2948) Bad night (534)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.

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  (519): Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight. http://tfl.nu/qnvl
  Replies (5) Good night (1457) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.

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  (619): Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll. http://tfl.nu/87wg
  Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.

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  (636): Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year. http://tfl.nu/cp8d
  Replies (4) Good night (415) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.

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  (289): Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player. http://tfl.nu/90yv
  Replies (5) Good night (628) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  do you want to shower with me?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower

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  (973): do you want to shower with me? (215): only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower http://tfl.nu/5xd8
  Replies (3) Good night (710) Bad night (196)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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  (317): I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time " http://tfl.nu/0ln5
  Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (206)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.

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  (202): She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood. http://tfl.nu/9x0w
  Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (335)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.

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  (612): I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night. http://tfl.nu/84z8
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt

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