Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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