Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'

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  (973): my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!' http://tfl.nu/vh00
  Replies (27) Good night (1080) Bad night (3342)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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  (256): I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light. http://tfl.nu/687c
  Replies (21) Good night (960) Bad night (3767)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.

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  (703): Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time. http://tfl.nu/wm5x
  Replies (12) Good night (680) Bad night (3942)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm watching ellen!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

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  (615): I'm watching ellen! (1-615): just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show http://tfl.nu/chlu
  Replies (12) Good night (11585) Bad night (1689)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

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  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1648) Bad night (7542)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.

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  (845): I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties. http://tfl.nu/q6j5
  Replies (5) Good night (2854) Bad night (1144)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

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  (914): He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now. http://tfl.nu/ph35
  Replies (15) Good night (1603) Bad night (3568)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was

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  (314): Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was http://tfl.nu/b9m0
  Replies (9) Good night (2520) Bad night (1133)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her

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  (201): i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her http://tfl.nu/006u
  Replies (5) Good night (1342) Bad night (719)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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  (660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt
  Replies (5) Good night (1182) Bad night (594)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker

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  (812): Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker http://tfl.nu/znwm
  Replies (6) Good night (2405) Bad night (603)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's blow job season.

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  (515): It's blow job season. http://tfl.nu/1yxc
  Replies (51) Good night (1756) Bad night (593)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks

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  (501): It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks http://tfl.nu/tmia
  Replies (1) Good night (353) Bad night (575)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night

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  (678): Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night http://tfl.nu/l7hl
  Replies (3) Good night (522) Bad night (317)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.

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  (412): Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend. http://tfl.nu/k8kp
  Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (257)

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