He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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