No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."