sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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