U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize