Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
