He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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