did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
