She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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