guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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