Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
