I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
