If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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