So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
