yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
