My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
