Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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