my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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