Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
