Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
