Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
