Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
