This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
