I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
