Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
