there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
