Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
