Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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