I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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