I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
