I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
