um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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