How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
