I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
