Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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