I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
