My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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